2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
