just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
