jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
