I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
