take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
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i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
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It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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