It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
