I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Farmville is her only friend.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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