I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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