When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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