Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
