took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
