1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
