fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
