If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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