Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Your shirt... Was in my pants
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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