youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
