the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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