This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
