So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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