So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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