you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
