Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
