I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
