you guys were way drunker than both of me
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
