He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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