I cockslap morals
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
