we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
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Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
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It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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