Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
