Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
