I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
