mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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