I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
