Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
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