I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
