is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Randomize
