guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Do you have feelings for this penis?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
