So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
