I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
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I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
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I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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