Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
