Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
