one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I would fuck him just for his dog
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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