You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
