Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
