remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
where am i from again
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It's rum buckets o'clock
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
