hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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