its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We have started to decorate penises.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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