i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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