He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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