she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
sarcasm needs its own font
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
