Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.