She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
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My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
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It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts