I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
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I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
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I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying