yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.