Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
