My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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