The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
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It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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