We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize