my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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