You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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