I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
