Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
