Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
