HIV tests are more positive than that guy
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
