at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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