Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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