I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
