I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
